God Is In Control

Got news today that as of last Thursday things have finally been moved from CA. It has been a long and frustrating process but things are finally moving towards completion. It has taken persistence and faith that we are indeed doing what God wants us to do. The decisions have not been easy to make, but in the end they were not ours to make. I wish things could have been settled without the court having to be involved, but sadly the non-custodial party did not wish to settle the matter. There is no turning back now. We have spent too much time already agonizing over the decision to file, but that was not what God wanted us to do. We have kicked and screamed the whole way. We have postponed when we could, but in the end God moved things along without our involvement. Only time will tell what He has in store. The waiting is so hard. I have never been a very patient person. God is using this whole situation to teach me that I must learn to trust Him even when I am scared, frustrated, confused and disappointed. I pray that the outcome will be as God wills. I could pray for mercy, grace, leniency, but even those prayers get in the way of praying for the best outcome. The best outcome would be for nothing to get in the way of what God is doing in all of our lives. So whatever happens I am praying that only Gods will is fulfilled in the outcome of this case. His will and plan and timing are the utmost best for all involved. Only He knows what will happen and that is for the best. I was trying to control the outcome but prolonging the filing, but God went around me. It was not until I gave it over to him and filed anyway with less arrears showing that he moved mountains in Ca. Then He did something I did not expect and it threw me back into confusion. He sent us a record of arrears dating years further then I wanted to include. Again I had to wrestle with my own feelings of wanting to be "nice", but He did not send those records for nothing. I tried not to include them but when I filed without them the papers came back. I filed again without them and the papers came back again. It was not until I filed with the arrears that the paperwork went smoothly through the system. It breaks my heart to think about the amount, and at times I look at the total with thoughts of how easy it would make things for our family (if we were to ever see the arrears). It makes me sad to think about what the consequences might be, but I am confident that even with the laws standing GOD is in control over the outcome. He controls even the consequences. He controls what the court will decide to do. My family has had years of struggle and hardship. It has put a strain on our marriage, but in the end it has made us stronger. We rely on God even more then before. It has opened my husbands eyes to the provision of God. God has never let us go without anything. Sure I have watched my husband work himself to the bone. I have watched him be fearful after his back surgery worrying about how he will provide for us through his recovery. I have watched him return to work too soon and to working overtime weeks without even one day off. We have grown weary of never having a moment to go out on a "date". BUT, through all of this God has grown us together. We have learned to fit moments into our everyday lives. We learned to make it a point to fit time in each night. It would be nice to spend some time with him alone, but that time will come again. This is only a season in our marriage and we are already able to look back at the hard times these past 2 years with wonder. Wonder how we made it through and made it through with our marriage stronger then before. God has blessed us with the ability to maintain our household and we are truly grateful.