I See God Working

Every once in awhile I receive lovely emails from my ex-husbands new wife. SHe loves to post things on FB and TWITTER and BLOG sites. She opens her privacy settings on these sites long enough for me to see certain messages and then blocks me. The messages are never easy to read and to be honest have caused me to lash out in my flesh. I could justify my actions and words over and over again, but in the end sometimes I have not acted the way God would want me too. I have had to hang my head and swallow my pride and email her back an apology. Not a fun thing to do but necessary.
This latest message came about after I blocked her from contacting me through email. I made the mistake a few weeks ago to try and email my ex-husband for information about his health history due to the as yet undiagnosed lump in our 8 year old daughters arm. His first born child. 
We have not heard from him since Feb. 15, 2009 when he last visited the girls. This was just days away from him leaving the state of CA and not notifying me or the courts where he was going. We have not had any child support since March 3, 2009. We have tried contacting him, but we always have to go through his wife. We have offered time and time again for him to remain in contact with the girls, but we have never heard from him, only her.


Billy and I do not nor will we ever understand how you can turn your back on your own children. I try to keep focusing on how amazing my God is; He has given me a wonderful husband who has loved and cherished my girls since the moment he met them. God has NEVER let our children go without anything, even when there has been NO child support. God has brought our family through many trials that taught us to cling to him that much more. Even through all of this we are still here and are still loving and trusting our God.


I have had to learn a lot through my divorce, but I think what I have had to learn the most is how to forgive. Not only myself, but at first God, and now for the hardest part...the people who have willingly chosen to live daily in a way that is hurtful to my precious girls.


God is not through with me yet. He has shown me this week and again just today as my flesh was trying to lash out again, that if I don't live with a heart of forgivness towards ST&ST then my children will have a hard time forgiving them. Unforgivness had eatten away at me for years, and I daily need to cling to God for his grace and mercy. He is the only one who can give me a heart for them as he has for them. I long for the day when I can truely say I forgive them and love them unconditionally.


Please pray for me as God deals with me in this relationship, and pray for all involved.




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