Absent Parent vs. Non-Custodial Parent

I will try and keep this short. I hear many people use the words Non-custodial parent as a negative term. I believe there to be a misconception as to what the difference is between a Non-Custodial parent and an Absent Parent. There is a BIG difference between the two.

My ex-husband is what you would call the ABSENT parent so I have had first hand experience in deciphering the difference between a NCP and AP (what I will refer to as the absent parent).

Most cases involving custody end up with a non-custodial parent. Someone who by legal definition does not have the child physically living with them in their home. This in now way means that the NCP is a bad person. It is merely a legal finding by the court for the child. 

An AP is a parent who willingly has made the choice to be absent from the life of their child. I know there are many people out there who will justify and debate this definition, but I am living the very definition of AP daily and have been for over the course of many years. A divorce does not ever mean that you are severed from your children. They are still your children and will be your children for all time. Nothing can change that. 

An AP is someone who makes the choice to not keep their relationship with their children open. They do not call, write, visit or send gifts. Some even go as far as not paying anything to support their children; but that is a whole other issue. The AP can make up any excuse, but really it doesn't matter how they try to justify their actions. They are selfish people who do not care about the harm they are causing to innocent children.

So PLEASE, if you are reading this and are a parent who is either divorced or in the middle of one don't allow anger to make you loose sight of what is really important. Your Children.

Tears or Laughter?

I know weird title huh! What do I mean? Well, there is this song that keeps coming on the radio lately and it's one of those songs that come out just when you need it too. You know those songs that make you believe that God is speaking just to you through the song. The song is by the artist Mandisa and it is called Stronger.

For those of you who know our family you know what a year we have had and it's only March! We ended 2010 with Billy hurting his back, and my Mom making a very tough decision to end her dialysis treatments. January 2011 began with all our family together for the first time in a very long time, but it was a bitter sweet get together. We had all come together to see our Mom off as she made her journey to heaven.  This was the hardest thing I have ever been faced with and living without her is a daily struggle. With everything that was happening in January, February was another month of trials. Our youngest Katherine has delays developmentally across the board, and we are trying to make the best decision for her education. We have so many different opinions from doctors, therapists, evaluations, school districts...it is hard to try and decide what is really best for her. The time is coming for her to begin Kindergarten so we will be making our finally decision for her very soon. On Feb. 20, we found the lump on our 8 year old daughters arm that left the doctors puzzled. We were facing financial hardships due to my husbands back injury as well as car trouble. 

March started out with Billy having the back surgery and he is now in the process of healing. Also in March we learned that the lump on her arm was a tumor and that she would be needing to have surgery to remove it and testing of it to determine just what type of tumor it is. we were also going to many different evaluations for Katherine through the school district to determine what type of classroom setting would be best for her, should we choose to send her to public school. During all of these tough family things happening, I was again dealing with my ex-husband and his wife. I will never understand how you can abandon your children. Dealing with the child support agency is time consuming and never easy, but we know that it is just another thing that will work out in the end.

March has been very hard for us, and in some ways it seems to have flown by and at other times it seems like time had stopped. Waiting for information on Margaret's arm. Waiting to see if Billy's surgery was a success. Waiting on a evaluations to make a decision for Katie. Waiting for a finances to come together. Waiting for news from Child Support. Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...and the biggest wait of them all...Waiting for the pain of loosing my Mom to easy even just a little.

My baby girl goes in for surgery 3 months to the day of my Mom passing. To say that this day is going to be hard would be a gross understatement. Just when I think I am ready to break into a million pieces, I am reminded that God is right here with me and he has not left us. He knows the pain I am in, when others can't possibly relate God can. He is doing something in our lives right now. It is painful and at times I feel like I can't take one more thing. 

Just the other day when I found out some more bad news and I felt like I was going to cry in the middle of church, I took a deep breath and then smiled! I know weird huh! Then I did something I have never done during hard times. I laughed out loud! In my heart and in my mind I saying to myself, "I would like to say what more could possibly go wrong right now!" In that moment I believe God took over and changed my heart the instant I was about to be overcome with fear and grief. He made me laugh! It startled me and I looked myself in the mirror and I was smiling and felt gleeful that something else bad was happening. I mean really...what else could go wrong? LOTS! God was right there with me though and filled my heart to overflowing with happiness until I laughed.

I know that if God wants he could bring even more trials into our lives to perfect us and make us stronger in Him. When I think about that it makes me hold my breath for a second in fear, but then I let it out and say OK. I do not have an attitude of BRING IT ON, but I can say that if more is in the works I am OK with that, because I know that God is there and he is not doing it to harm us. He is bringing us through each and every trial. He is strengthening us and he is able to bring us up out of it even when we are on the edge of despair. Just as I was ready to give in to fear and loose hope, He sent me smiles and laughter!

Busy Times

We have been going over all the different options for Margaret and have finally come to a desicion. We will go ahead with her surgery in April, and follow up with her surgeon after. In 3-6 months we will then be taking her for a thorough evaluation in Philedelphia, PA. They have the research foundation based out of Children's Hospital in Philedelphia headed by the Chief of Othopeadic Surgery. This seemes like the best route to go. This way we get the tumor off now and have it tested to see if it is malignant. Then if it is bengin then we will have the testing done for the genetic disorder. Margaret is doing much better now that she has been wairing a sling. She has less accidents with bumps to her arm during the day which make it less painful and bring the chance of a break down considerably. She is still doing all the things she loves to do but carefully. Playing the violin has become more of a challenge as she starts to have more pain and weakness.


Billy is healing up faster then I thought he would. He will have another check-up at the end of March to see if they will release him to go back to work, but they said the will probably keep him out until April 18th doing physical therapy on his back. He has been helping out a lot around the house with small things, but it really helps. I have been doing most of the big stuff and it has been nice to have a break from all of the household things that I usually did on a regular basis. I kind of like the outside chores and the fix up of things, but just don't tell him! LOL!


We got some really great news this past week involving our finances. This has been a scary time for us as we contemplated how long Billy was going to be out of work. It never really felt like moving was the right thing to do and God has been providing through many different ways. This past week we got the news that we have a steady source of income on the way. I kept telling Billy that we shouldn't be scared and do anything drastic. I just knew that God was going to take care of our needs through this whole thing, and He did! God is good!


Now we are planning for Josie's brithday in April. We have a lot of things to do to prepare for her party but also for her present. She has requested that she be able to redecorate her room in something a little more girlie and grown up. All the things she has [icked out are so totally cute and they really suite her character! I can't wait to see it all finished. Billy helped build some of the things today and helped me with the design. I have many people stepping up offering to help us out with many different aspects of her party and I can't thank them enough. I have so much going on right now that I can't seem to manage everything, but God is bringing me help when I need it!

With all that is going on in our lives it helps to remember that this is not our home. We are here temporarily to bring glory and honor to God. I find myself clinging to him more and more in these troubled times and that saddens me. I wish my heart could be so attached to Him that even in the good times I would rely soley on Him and Him alone.


Girls are home so I have gotta run. Keep checking back for more updates on our family. As we get closer and closer to the date of Margaret's surgery I may tend to write less. Please know that I will bring updates as soon as I can manage. Thank You again for all who have been keeping us in prayer.

The Hardest Part

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Until the surgery we will not know exactly what type of tumor Margaret has, which leaves a lot of room for differing outcomes. One could mean something wrong with her genes and the other means malignancy. It has not even been a month since we first discovered the bump in her arm, but it feels like we have been waiting a lifetime! We got some really great information yesterday but it also conflicted with what we had been learning. New research and treatment options are now available for the hereditary form of the disease, but if she has this then it means a lifetime of new growths and that is hard to take. So I guess we wait...and wait...and WAIT! We will not get any answers until the tumor is out of her and tested. For now we can pray and continue to put our trust in God. Osteochondroma, MHE or Osteosarcoma either way she is in His hands.

Memorial Letter

Our Memorial Letter for Mom

Tenacious to the core, she made her opinions known, a straightforward, and direct woman who knew what she wanted, how she wanted it, and when she wanted it. The blood of the marines ran through her veins as the words Semper Fidelis (Always Faithful) were her back bone. With much pride, she marched her life to the beat of Marine Hymn, which rang out each time a visitor rang the door bell. If she could have been a U.S. Marine drill sergeant, she would have been. For many she was the guiding DI that they needed, as every mother should be.

Always faithful she was in providing, guiding, and being 'to the point' truthful. If one screwed up, she would be the one to tell ya, never without a laugh, and never without tellin' ya just what you needed to do. Whether you listened, or not, it was on you. She was a character, and she was a nurturer, as she cared in her own way showing it through raw sarcasm, and quick-witted humor, she brightened people’s life when they were feeling down. She loved to care for others even when she was the one needing to be cared for, and she would always find the means to do it regardless of the cost.

Underneath the toughness of many, we recognize that there is a softened inner core. But with Mom, it was a REAL, and TRUE toughness. That is hard to find anymore. It was a trait that made her unique. A fighter to the end who held it together, and tried her best to build up others in the same way. This is a hard life to live, and being sappy won’t cut it! As is with many fighters, there is little sympathy, but much passion. A type of passion that encourages a "suck it up" attitude knowing that through life's troubles even more will come, so get through them now as best as possible, and make better decisions! She had a passion that exuded courage, and gave her the ability to go against the grain. When others said “No”, she said "Why the hell not?" She was always there to offer her support if you were ever attacked. It didn’t matter what you had said, or done. If you were her friend, or family, an attack on you was a personal attack on her. We admired her for knowing who she was, and fighting battles that many others were too afraid to fight. She rooted for the underdog, and fought proudly for her own!

She was special, and every moment we spent with her gave us a wealth of great memories. We share today in this letter some of those memories. The memories which will live on within us, drive us, and which have given us relief during our time of loss. We hope that you enjoy "Our Memorial Letter for Mom".

~Dan~

A funny memory:

When she made a hamburger for dinner and ate it before realizing she forgot the meat!

Something taught:

When inviting someone to go somewhere with you, (movies, bowling, sporting event, dinner, etc.) the polite thing is paying their way.

Favorite food: Garbage Casserole

~Tom~

Your favorite memory of Mom- My favorite memory of mom was when she and dad came to our house for Christmas in

Prescott for Christmas. I have a lot of memories and even the bad ones are good memories now.

Your favorite dish she made- I love Macaroni soup!

Your favorite picture of her- My favorite picture of her is the picture of her and Andrew at there pool in Wildomar CA.

Your favorite memory of mom with her grand kids - Any time she got to be with them. She loved all of them and she spoiled them every chance she got.

What did she teach you- The taught me that Marine boot camp and drill instructors where a breeze.

What did you learn from her- I learned you should never talk back to her, and if you did make sure you were out of throwing range.

Your favorite holiday with Mom-I loved Christmas. She always made it good for us even when money was tight.

Watching you go wasn't easy and letting you go is even harder. I regret not calling you more or seeing you more. I had the means and I didn't. I'm sorry I caused you so much heartache while I was growing up. I should have done better. I did grow up and have straightened up some and I dont think I would be where I am at today if it wasnt for you. You where always there for me even when I didnt deserve it. I love you mom I'll see you when I see you.


~Jasmin~

A funny memory: Mom playing with Andrew and Thalia, making them laugh when they were babies.


Something taught: Expensive material possessions aren't everything!

Favorite memory: Mom taking Andrew swimming and spoiling her grand children with gifts even when we were against it.

Favorite Food: Your favorite food that she made you- Her garbage casserole, and turkey stuffing

~Sarah~

Something she taught me: To smile through the pain. Laugh through life’s struggles.

A favorite Memory: When she would show off her brag book of pictures of the porcelain dolls I had made…she was proud of the dolls I made.

Favorite Food: Strawberry Angel Food Cake, Pumpkin Pie, Macaroni Soup.

When I was looking through Mom and Dad’s pictures I realized how well chronicled our life was in them. All the vacations we took, milestones, and just because. Sadly, in many of the pictures she is the one behind the camera.
I will remember the unwavering devotion, and love my Mom and Dad had for each other.

I will miss Mom for the rest of my life, but she’s left me with a beautiful gift: her positive attitude, her passion for life, and her unconditional love.

I wish I could say that she did not suffer long, but for Mom, suffering through each day seemed to be her lot in this life, but she lived it well. As her time grew short we witnessed how her health had deteriorated, but her zest for life was always there. She was determined to return home in order to be at peace, and have the comfort of family.

She spent her remaining days on Earth surrounded by family, some close friends, listening to her favorite music, and enjoying some nostalgic candy.

Legacy

Fear Not For I Am With You

Today was THE day. Margaret and I made the trip to see the Orthopedic Oncologist to get the results from her MRI. She was so nervous that she had an upset stomach and was physically shaking. The staff and the doctor were so compassionate. The male nurse came in with me and Margaret and he was so funny cracking jokes to make her laugh. He got down on her level and spoke softly and reassured her that she was getting ready to meet the best doctor she could see for her bump. He then spoke with me and made me feel more at ease. Then the Physicians Assistant came in and sat down with us as she went over the MRI. She was explaining everything in a way that was light so that Margaret did not get alarmed, but I understood. It was like she was telling me the results gently. Easing me into what the doctor would be telling me in detail. I really appreciated that. I was worried that I would not be able to handle the news in front of Margaret, and I knew that I needed to be brave for her. When the doctor came in he was so perfect with Magy. He spoke to her first and asked her if she knew why she was there and then he asked her if she would like to ask any questions. Margaret had a few good questions' but the one that sticks out to me was when she asked if what she had was bad. Then the doctor explained everything to her in a way she could understand without scaring her and she took the news well. After that he answered all of my questions and we planned the course of treatment. We then went to schedule everything and Margaret asked me if it was better to have this one kind of tumor or the other kind of tumor. She wanted to know which one was worse and which one did they think she had. I explained the type of tumor to her and what may happen when we get the results back. She got quite and sat there. I asked her if she had any more questions and how was she feeling. She said that she might have more questions later, and that she was feeling OK about it.

When I sat down tonight to think about all that needs to be done and all the we are getting ready to go through, I am reminded by what she had said while watching the recent news coverage of Japan. "Do they know Jesus?" -Magy "Who?"-Me "The Japanese people, because if they do then they shouldn't be scared... I'm not."-Magy

I have often wondered why my precious baby girl has always been so mature, so smart, so wise beyond her years. God has always had a plan for her. He knew before she was conceived every step she would take. Every trial she would undertake. My little girl has taught me so much and I praise God that he has entrusted her to me and her Daddy. She may have an old soul but it is one filled with love and faith beyond her years. God was preparing her and is preparing her for a journey that only He can complete. She is clay in His hands. How refreshing to see how she handles being molded and kneaded. She does not complain. She does not cry out in fear or in anger. She doesn't even question why? She just takes a deep breath and walks on knowing that God will be there every step of the way. "they shouldn't be scared...I'm not." -Magy

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Will You Trust Him Wholly?

God hedges in His own that He may preserve them, but oftentimes they only see the wrong side of the hedge, and so misunderstand His dealings. It was so with Job (Job 3:23). Ah, but Satan knew the value of that hedge! See his testimony in chapter 1:10. Through the leaves of every trial there are chinks of light to shine through. Thorns do not prick you unless you lean against them, and not one touches without His knowledge. The words that hurt you, the letter which gave you pain, the cruel wound of your dearest friend, shortness of money--are all known to Him, who sympathizes as none else can and watches to see, if, through all, you will dare to trust Him wholly.

Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
Streams in the Desert

So we're not giving up. How could we!

2 Corinthians 4 (The Message)

Trial and Torture

 ^1-2Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.  ^3-4If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get.
 ^5-6Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.
 ^7-12If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!
 ^13-15We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise!
 ^16-18So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

Thank You

Seasons Cello

Get To Know Our Family

This blog will be enjoyable to write and I hope to read as well!

My husband Billy and I met in November 2005 in Riverside, Ca. It was not love at first sight (as you will find out below) but we soon knew that we were meant to be together. It was a struggle in the beginning as I was trying very hard to get through a divorce (more on that at a later date). It took 3 years for the divorce to be finalized allowing Billy and I to finally marry. On December 26, 2008 we became one.

We have three beautiful daughters. Since my previous marriage ended so badly we also have been raising my two daughters from my ex-husband. My husband Billy became a part of their lives when they were 2yrs old and one was 7 months old. He has been an amazing father to them and has cared for them better then their own biological father. Billy and I also added another daughter to our family in August 2005.
Now for some FUN!

About Us

1. How did you meet your husband and how old were you?   I met him while I was at work. I was a commuter link bus driver and he was a passenger on one of my routes. He was mad that I was late one morning and made some kind of rude remark. I told him to shut up and get in the back of the bus. On his way out at his stop he passed me his phone number. I threw it away, but he told another driver in the afternoon that he liked me because I didn't take his attitude. He then gave that driver his number to give to me. I called him a few days later and we began talking. I was 23 years old. 
2. Was it love at first sight?  No! LOL!
 
3. How did you know you were supposed to marry him?  The only ones who know this are my husband and God.
 
4. What was the first date like?  I was SO tired. I was a single Mom, working really crazy shifts, with two babies at home. We went out to eat at a Mexican place and I was so nervous that I couldn't eat anything. Then he gave me a bag of gifts that he had picked out. Inside were some really pretty things that I would never have picked out for myself. It was nice having someone think about me for a change. Then went to see the movie Hidalgo.
 
5. Where did your first kiss take place?  During the movie.
 
6. Dating... local or long distance?  Local
 
7. Do you know everything there is to know about your husband?  Yes
 
8. Were your parents supportive of you when you started dating?  No. My parents didn't like me dating someone who was older then me, and they also were worried about me getting hurt again so soon after separating from my ex-husband.
 
9. Did you wait till marriage to have sex?  Sadly, No. We did not go about things the right way in the beginning. We felt back up against a wall because the divorce was moving so slowly. Looking back on it we would not change anything though because out of our wrong came our baby girl.
 
10. How long was it till you got engaged after you started dating? Billy kept asking me ALL THE TIME! I kept saying not yet, because I was scared of things turning bad like before. He is a patient and understanding MAN and he waited for me to be ready. It took a lot of time before I finally said yes.
  
11. Long or short engagement?  I would say long.
 
12. Did you write your own vows?  No. We picked our traditional vows and then spoke freely. We did not want to do anything rehearsed. We spoke from our hearts.
 
13. What was one of the things that attracted you to your husband?  His sense of humor. I was always so serious and he really helped me to take time to relax and laugh. He also had a rough start in life so his ability to overcome obstacles also showed me that he would not run away from things that were hard. He also had an appreciation for family that I hadn't seen in any other man except my Dad. Oh! And physically I was attracted to his arms. He is strong and I was in a place in my life where I needed to feel safe and protected.
 
14. Do you believe he is your soul mate?  Yes. I do. God has worked some many things out in our lives that lead us to each other the day that we met. I would never have had my first two precious girls if I hadn't married the wrong man first. God is using that broken relationship to mold me and shape me and my family. Without my poor beginning I would not have been in the same place in life and I might not have ever met my loving husband.
 
15. Are you happy that you married him? Yes.  
 Facts:
 
1. Place your husband was born and date?  St. Joesph Michigan, September 8,1972
 
2. Favorite movie?  Star Wars
 
3. Occupation? Welder/Fabricator
 
4. What is one of his favorite things to do on the weekends?  Fish
 
5. What was his first thought of you when you first met?  He actually had to ask another driver Who that pretty young girl was that was driving in the mornings. He couldn't believe that as young and small as I was that I was working driving this huge bus.
 
6. Does he snore at night while sleeping?  Yes, but not anymore now that he has his apnea machine.
 
7. Does he keep you awake? Yes
 
8. If you could go one place with him anywhere in the world where would that be?  We both would like to see Ireland and Alaska.
 
9. How often do you have sex?  Unlike some, to me this is an inappropriate question. I feel that if you share this kind of private intimate details it is tackie and juvenile.
 
10. Is he the best thing that ever happened to you? He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me or my girls

About Our Girls

Do you have children?  Yes
 
How many?  3
 
What are their names?  Margaret, Josephine, Katherine
 
How old are they? 8,6,5
 
Do you want to have any more? We are waiting to adopt. 
 
How many?  2 maybe more
 
Would you prefer the next ones to be boys or girls, or do you care?  Don't care. We are hoping for a sibling group.
 
What will the next ones' names be?  Only God knows
 
Do your kids live with you?  Yes and always have.

~ Margaret~
 
How old were you when you had your first kid?  19
 
How long were you in labor?  36 hours
 
Did you have the child naturally, or by c-section?  naturally
 
What were the first few months like?  She was our first so it was new trying to learn everything and get into the groove of parenthood.
 
Tell me a funny story from when that child was a baby?  She loved to rip up paper. She would laugh and spend hours just sitting there ripping up paper. Her first Christmas we didn't have much money but we wrapped her a big box full of paper and watch as she had the time of her life ripping the paper off the box and then getting to rip up all the papers inside!
 
What is the most embarrassing thing that child has ever done to you?  She asked a lady in line at a store if she was pregnant...she wasn't! LOL!
 
What are their hobbies? Sign Language, Dance, Choir, Violin, Art, Writing, 
What are some of their interests? Horses, Music, Bears, MeerKats, Jewlery, Historical Biographies, Lincoln 

~Josephine~
 
How old were you when your second child was born?  I was 21
 
How old was your first child?  23 months and 12 days old.
 
How did he/she react to the second child?  She was so excited. She climbed up in bed with me and helped me hold her.
 
How long were you in labor the second time?  approximately 6 hours
 
Natural or c-section?  Natural
 
Tell me a funny story from when that kid was a baby. I was getting ready for church one morning as just as I was getting ready to walk out the door she pucked down the front of my shirt! YUCK!
   
Whats the most embarrassing thing?  She likes to go around telling people that she left her brain at home!
 
What are their hobbies? Climbing, Riding her bike, Singing as long as she doesn't have an audience and she is GOOD!

What are some of her interest. Monkey's, Zebra's, Leapords, Bugs, Space, Dress-Up, Jewlery and Makeup

~Katherine~
 
How old were you when your second child was born?  23
 
How old was your first child?  3 years 3 months and 16 days old
 
How did he/she react to the third child?  She was so excited that it was another girl. She kept trying to give the baby her stuffed animals to share. She was also trying to teach her second sister how to be careful around the baby. She is a great big sister.
 
How long were you in labor the second time?  9 hours
 
Natural or c-section?  Natural
 
Tell me a funny story from when that kid was a baby.  Billy was trying to teach her how to make noise because she was such a quite baby. One day while we were shopping he was trying to make her talk and I was around on a different isle. I heard this high pitched squeal over and over again, and I was like WOW! That babies go some lungs...then I found it it was our baby girl!
 
 Whats the most embarrassing thing?  She brouht me a piece of dog poop at the park! YUCK!
 
What are her hobbies?  Art and Crafts, 

What are some of her interests? Star Wars, Toy Story, Fire Fighters, Machines, Robots, How things work
 

 Parenting
 
Do you believe in spanking? Yes
 
What's the best discipline method you have found? Each child is different and each child changes as they mature so the discipline methods change with them.
 
How do you deal with picky eating?  We have never allowed it.
 
How about fighting bedtime?  What fight? When it's time for bed thats it.
 
Do you make your kids do chores?  Yes. They have a daily chore list that they complete after homework is done.
 
Do they get an allowance?  No
 
Do you or will you home-school them?  No home-school right now but that is probably going to change
 
Do you and your spouse agree on how to discipline?  Yes. He has helped me become more consistant.
 
Do you think you are a better parent than your spouse?  No. I think it takes a TWO parent household to raise a child. We are both different and in some ways we are the same, but either way we back eachother up.
 
Do your kids believe in Santa Claus?  No
 
How about the tooth fairy?  No
 
The Easter Bunny?  No
 
Do you take your kids to church?  Yes
 
Why or why not?  So we can raise them being exposed to The Word of God so that in time they can make the choice to follow Him.
 
What is the single most important thing you believe kids should be taught?  To love unconditionally. This is Christ command to love agape.
 

God is the Healer

On February 20, 2011 My Dad found a rather strange hard bump on Margaret's arm. He sent her upstairs to me to check it out and I had to agree with him, it was out of the ordinary on her. She was very adamant that it did not hurt and that she did not know that it was there...I knew she was not being truthful. Later that night on our way to the David Garrett concert (a Christmas present from her Daddy), I asked her again over dinner. It was there alone that she told me she had found it some time ago in the shower, and that it does hurt her but not all the time. I asked her why she would not tell me about it and she said what any scared 8 year old would say she didn't want to have to go to the doctor or get a shot. She had a routine follow up for a sinus infection the very next day and so I showed it to her pediatrician. He in turn sent us that very day for x-rays and within a few short hours we had the results. The result was that the x-rays were unclear, but that there was a mass. This mass was called a tumor. We were then referred to the top pediatric orthopedic doctor at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, PA. We were told that it could take a month to get in to see him, but his office called and asked if we could be there two days later. We jumped at the appointment. It was their speed at getting her in that really sent the alarm bells going off for us. As her parents we began searching for any information about what could possibly be going on inside our precious daugther's body. We were asked to bring any family heath history with us that pertained to her, anything at all even if we thought it was something insignificant. We of course tried to contact her biological father but of course we never hear directly from him, only from his new wife. So we contacted his mother for information. After seeing the orthopedic doctor we were asked to have an MRI done on her arm. We waited three long days for our insurance to OK the test and then we got the call to schedule the appointment. Margaret went through the MRI and she did amazingly well, with no sedation needed. I was so relieved that they let me stay right by her side while she was in the tube for over an hour. They only had to re-do one picture due to movement, which was probably due to me making her laugh! My bad! :) Then we had to wait again for her orthopedic appointment to learn the results of her MRI. It was driving me crazy not knowing what was happening with our baby girl. She has had to be very careful of her arm and has been out of PE for weeks. Every time she bumps her arm she is in so much pain. The day finally came for her appointment to learn the results. It also happened to be the very same day my husband was going in for some much needed back surgery. I felt torn but I knew he would be OK. I prayed that God would take care of the details of the morning and allow me to be with both of them as soon as I could. God is amazing and there was a delay with Billy's surgery time so I was able to be with him before and after the surgery. At Magy's appointment we learned that the lead pediatric orthopedic doctor and the radiologist could not make heads or tails of what they were seeing. This was heartbreaking to hear, because I knew that we were not going to get a definitive answer that day. The doctor looked me in the eye and uttered words I did not want to hear Orthopedic Oncologist and biopsy. As soon as I heard the word oncologist my stomach flipped and my heart sank. Upon leaving the hospital that day Margaret asked me if what she had was bad. I asked her why she would ask and she said that since the doctor didn't know what it was then it must be something bad. I paused for a moment and decided that honesty is always best, and so I sat down with her in the lobby and explained to her what was happening. I told her that we did not know yet what was in her arm and that until then the doctors just want her to be careful. I explained that she was being seen by some of the best doctors in the city and that we will just have to wait and see what they find out. I asked her if she was scared and she said a little but I can pray about it. Since seeing the Orthopedic doctor she has been out of gym class and trying to be careful with her arm. She has been into the nurses office at school several times to get an icepack and medicine for the pain. She is such a trooper! The school nurse commented to me that Margaret seems to have a strong faith in God. Margaret is still doing all the things she loves to do including playing her violin. When I look at my daughter and think about all that this bump in her bone could be and what it could mean for her it scares me. I daily have to remind myself that God is in control of this whole thing. He is moving in our lives and in some many lives through this bump. We have been so blessed by many people including strangers who have been praying and sending us cards. Someone even made Margaret a prayer blanket that their church prayed over, and they also included a pillow and card for her. God is working in our lives and bringing healing. Billy's surgery went well and he is recovering. The doctor is hopeful that with time he will soon be able to live with significantly less pain and be able to function better. God brings about such difficult things in our lives, but we have learned that the only way to get through them is by relying on the strength of our Maker. He is molding and shaping us. It is not always easy to hang onto our faith during hard times. We stumble and panic on occasion, but God is still there faithfully carrying us through. We know that this time is no different. We have nothing to fear because God is with us.

I See God Working

Every once in awhile I receive lovely emails from my ex-husbands new wife. SHe loves to post things on FB and TWITTER and BLOG sites. She opens her privacy settings on these sites long enough for me to see certain messages and then blocks me. The messages are never easy to read and to be honest have caused me to lash out in my flesh. I could justify my actions and words over and over again, but in the end sometimes I have not acted the way God would want me too. I have had to hang my head and swallow my pride and email her back an apology. Not a fun thing to do but necessary.
This latest message came about after I blocked her from contacting me through email. I made the mistake a few weeks ago to try and email my ex-husband for information about his health history due to the as yet undiagnosed lump in our 8 year old daughters arm. His first born child. 
We have not heard from him since Feb. 15, 2009 when he last visited the girls. This was just days away from him leaving the state of CA and not notifying me or the courts where he was going. We have not had any child support since March 3, 2009. We have tried contacting him, but we always have to go through his wife. We have offered time and time again for him to remain in contact with the girls, but we have never heard from him, only her.


Billy and I do not nor will we ever understand how you can turn your back on your own children. I try to keep focusing on how amazing my God is; He has given me a wonderful husband who has loved and cherished my girls since the moment he met them. God has NEVER let our children go without anything, even when there has been NO child support. God has brought our family through many trials that taught us to cling to him that much more. Even through all of this we are still here and are still loving and trusting our God.


I have had to learn a lot through my divorce, but I think what I have had to learn the most is how to forgive. Not only myself, but at first God, and now for the hardest part...the people who have willingly chosen to live daily in a way that is hurtful to my precious girls.


God is not through with me yet. He has shown me this week and again just today as my flesh was trying to lash out again, that if I don't live with a heart of forgivness towards ST&ST then my children will have a hard time forgiving them. Unforgivness had eatten away at me for years, and I daily need to cling to God for his grace and mercy. He is the only one who can give me a heart for them as he has for them. I long for the day when I can truely say I forgive them and love them unconditionally.


Please pray for me as God deals with me in this relationship, and pray for all involved.




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Nineteen things to say to your children...

Nineteen things to say to your children...

Starting Out

So here goes nothing...

I am new to the blog world and most of my intended readers (extended family) are too. The main purpose of this blog is for keeping family up to date on all things related to our little wolf pack. My husband and I rely on God to guide us through our journey as a family. Much of the topics will be based on things that are happening in our lives and around our family.